Entry #35 – May 16, 2016

Today Kat pulled me aside before we got into the lunch room. At first she didn’t say anything, but when I went to leave she told me to wait. It took another minute before she said anything else, and even then she was stammering. She tried to get me to guess what she was trying to say, but I couldn’t begin to. She eventually managed to tell me that she loved me, not as a friend but romantically. She said that it was different than with Daniel, because she could talk to me and I was willing to put up with her even when he was all she could talk about. I told her that I was sorry that I didn’t feel that way about her, and she replied that she didn’t know but she needed to tell me how she felt anyway. We both went into the lunch room after that.

Despite my shock I managed to get to the lunch table before Kat did. Paul came right out and asked if Kat and I were late because we were making out in a broom closest or something. I asked him what he was talking about and he told me about how obvious it was that Kat had feelings for me. I then asked him whether or not the fact that I didn’t have those same feelings for her was as obvious to him, and he said that they weren’t. He said that here it’s sometimes it’s incredibly easy to tell when someone is feeling an emotion, even if they aren’t showing the one he would expect. But the rest of the time he can’t tell whether or not we’re feeling anything at all. So he figured she may have been one of the former instances and I was one of the latter. I replied that he was incorrect and that I didn’t share her feelings. Finally Kat came to the table so we stopped talking about it.

The rest of the day was pretty uncomfortable. Kat spent gym as far across the room from me as she could get, and you probably know better than I do how she was acting in your class. Mark called me after he got off work to ask me what I thought about the situation, and I told him that I had no idea. Since she sat with us at lunch afterwards I said I guess she’s willing to keep talking with us there even with her feelings for me. Mark agreed, adding that she’s probably felt this way for at least a few weeks now and she hasn’t stopped sitting with us. And now that she doesn’t have to keep it a secret any longer, maybe it’ll be less awkward for her. He also added that we have no way of knowing for certain what is going to happen. I said that was true, and we would have to wait and see. After that, we hung up, and I went to eat dinner then finished this assignment.

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